i make things and i talk about my illness, cystic fibrosis.
email@example.com if you wanna write me.
Posts tagged illness
ATTN all breathers
TW: Illness - Word up & fond rememberings to you if we are friends and you have never made me feel awful for making crass jokes about maybe dying young. Word up and always in my hearts to you if you saw it for the thing it was, a way to cope with my shitty illness. Inexpressible dissapointment to you if you have ever tried to tell me i’m lucky for the few things i am afforded as a compensation for the irreplaceable losses i & my family have endured because of structural ableism. I will be robustly transmitting the same wordless dissapointment to every other “healthy” fool out there who puts this shit on my fellow chronically trill fam as well. thanks for nothing, you breathers, keep your healthrotten insights yourself.
my beautiful friends.
so because i’m trying to deal with my substance dependency issues and part of that is saying no to really good parties/birthday parties but all of my beatuiful friends skyped me into a phone and carried me around the party and i danced in my room and made out with cuties through the web cam and showed them my butt and i feel like crying i love them all so much.
MOM DON’T READ THIS
TW: drugs TW: illness TW: i’m scared
This afternoon i called a rehab facility to take some steps toward long term sobriety or at least re-evaluating and gaining control over my dependence of drug and alcohol in times of duress. the consultant i spoke to reccomended i go into detox for a week long stay. i know that is such a short amount of time, but i feel pretty scared about it, does anyone have experience? insight? help? support? ideas?
i have been sober for 48 for the first time in months and i wanna stay this way, i’m so strong of heart and precise of hand this way, but i can barely stand how many things i take note of - am effected by - feel drawn to think of - as tho the wind where blades sometimes and the smiles of others where portals into the intimacy of the world, where all breath is shared and the responsibility to be good & worthy is so dire.
love note 2 self - 2013 til forever
word up to me in terms of how long ive been trying to deal with my degrading mental health on my own. i don’t agree with an internalized logic that dictates that pain must be endured and resolved in silence, paying as much respect to the convenience of others as possible. i think this is partially a mechanism of an ableist society to deepen the sense of isolation and shame for self amongst it’s constituents. with that said, even though i may be doing it for the wrong reasons, i want to affirm that it’s a sign of my strength as a persyn that i have been holding it together for so long, that shows discipline and strength of will. i just had that thought and i wanted to crystlize it in words so that i will feel it & keep it.
i think i will have to reach out in a different way than i have before to my therapist and mental health care services & there’s strength in seeing that & acting on that too. just hope i keep true to it this time. love to my feelers on the internet going thru relatable struggles. don’t forget about all that strength in your frailty.
& everybody else