waiting for “charity”
so when i moved to the ward where people scream less and there is carpet on the floor one luxury i lost was free meds. the thing is i recieved all of my prescribed meds two minutes after i arrived on the nicer ward. though i was techinically discharged (where i am is not considered grave enough to warrant free meds even though i am as sick and it is only one floor up in the same building) i was promised i wouldn’t have to pay for the meds since i only missed the window of free medication by about two minutes. it was a technicality me and my medical team over looked.
i am broke, i have 45 cents in my pocket until centrelink comes tomorrow and i am currently 2 hours beyond the correct window for the dose of medication i am pleading with the pharmacy to give me. i am trying to tell them that i was told i wouldn’t have to pay, i will pay the debt tomorrow and the only reason i have a debt is because of a filing error. they don’t like how i tell them that i know the regulations. i am asking them to put the rules aside for the next 16 hours, recognise that i will be on the premises, i have been a patient here for fourteen years and i will pay the fucking bill in the morning if they just let me have the meds that i need to put into my drip now.
i have missed my second physio therapy appointment because of this meaning i will only exercise half as well as i should have today, i have visitors who couldn’t find me because there is no reception in pharmacy and i can’t pay my phone bill to call them, so i fear they have had to leave since they couldn’t get through to me and one of them is a friend i haven’t seen in months who has returned home from travelling and is leaving tomorrow, so today is our only day. (if you are reading this later liam i am sorry i couldn’t get onto you, i love you, please travel well, my friend)
earlier when i interacted with the clerk i became upset and spoke very curtly, that was an hour and half ago. i have written her an apology note for my behaviour saying that i am very sorry i shouldn’t have acted so childish and i hope i haven’t ruint her day. it is turning mushy in my sweaty hand as i think about; death. money, friendship, anger, rules and how badly my lungs feel right now.
my major mistake was getting upset, being honest about how i feel. explaining that i think it is actually a personal choice wether or not they just give me the meds (which amount to 10 dollars AUS currency because centrelink is going to cover the bulk). that i do not see their hands as “tied” and that they could just do it really easily, take my word for it and i could go upstairs get my meds and stop wanting to cry publicly/create a scene/call my mom about it.
i am sooo not achieve right now.
UPDATE: i waited until a clerk i hadn’t spoken to appeared. i stood in line again, waited, approached - told him my name & UR number. he freshly retrieved the medications, freshly read the invoice out to me, i told him that i was nearing three hours late for these meds that i promise i will come and pay the bill in the morning and i have been a patient here for fourteen years and “please”. near tears. he paused, drew a breath and said, “yeah that’s sounds okay to me” he handed me the bill saying “i’ll just give you the bill and write down that you took it and you are aware of your bill.” i said thank you. as i left i crumpled the sorry note in my hand looking at the original clerk who i had my original interaction with, i passed the windows and got to the bin at the corner. i moved to throw it away, but i stop, i am just so bad at being mean to other people since i stopped hating myself.
i took the note in my hands, smoothed it out, returned to the window where the original clerk was and handed her the note. shaking, i said; “here i wrote you a sorry note. i’m sorry if i was being childish before.” she looked scared and surprised and said “oh” and took it out of my hand.
