so i went to meredith, it was my first time and aside from the racist gimmickry bullshit (white kids in headdresses, giant teepees graffiti-ed “occupy meredith”, some people even in blackface) it was really beautiful. it was very overwhelming to enter into that environment after periods in hospital where i would go 72 hours without having any interactions beyond pleasentries and tactical meetings regarding my recovery and sustained well being. for the first few hours i hid in a tent and cried and seriously considered trying to find a way back that night or at latest the next morning after i played. i didn’t in the end and i had heaps of fun adventuring, after i pushed myself to embrace it. i think i needed to as well, i don’t think about what my heart requires enough sometimes and it think it needed dirt, sweat and ecstatic adventure.
the drip in my arm became exasperated and bled a bit from the heat and my body activity. it felt like constantly having a little spear melting into my heart through my arm and if i got a huge heat wave i felt i could sense it’s whole form throb all through my flesh. it felt ridiculous to be there at times and i remember asking my friend thom “what am i doing here? this is ridiculous, shouldnt i be in hospital?” and he weaved his arm around my shoulders and said “no… no! you’re not supposed to be anywhere, you are where you are and right now you are here. you don’t belong to hospital.” and that made feel better.
when things got too shit, when it was all insensitivity, dust and lostness i would find josh poly glamorous, who i drove up with and it would put on the spice girls and big freedia as loud as it could from it’s car speakers and announce that it loves to go to hetro norma-shit environments and play the gayest music it can turnt up the loudest it possibly can. it also gave me a tent to sleep in and support when i felt outcast and upset. so much love for that special creature.
on stage i was able to dance and rap pretty powerfully and steadily which was something i was losing the ability to do before i went in for care. it makes me happy to know that running on the treadmill and eating food i don’t want to eat and refining my health has brough that back for me. i hated leaving the stage after every show feeling like i could have done better if my health had been better.
after we played we all hugged and talked about how much we loved eachother. i felt it was cheesy to be too excited by it before we played, but after we were finished it was so obvious how amazing everything was. the stage we enormous and we just danced and supported one and other, and for some of us it was a dream from early adolescence to play meredith and that was such a beautiful fullfilment to witness. after that we dispersed and i didn’t see oscar again until i got home, so large was the fray and so simple was the process of becoming lost. above are pictures of what i wore on stage and also some glitter that is still on my face.
P.S. the pants and socks are lent to me from lashna tuschewski, a wonderful young melbourne base artists and dear dear friend, this is her flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/lashnafindsjrblue/
